T-3 The Roof Above Us
மலர்மிசை ஏகினான் மாணடி சேர்ந்தார்
நிலமிசை நீடுவாழ் வார்
They who are united to the glorious feet of Him who occupies swiftly the flower of the mind, shall flourish in the highest of worlds (heaven)
2007
It has been six weeks since the farewell. Sitting across the hall with a book in hand and a tv remote by the side, the calendar which I had been staring at for the past 10 mins said that it was the last day of February. I closed the book, kept it beside the remote and laid down on my back looking at the ceiling. My eyes were fixated at the centre of the fan where the design of the fan was the only part that was not a blur.
2005
“Its quite hot today isn’t it?”
“Yes it is. And I dont know whether these damn fans are running at all”
“They are. See those designs at the center? As long as they are there, we can easily tell that”
“Is that why they put it there?”
“I guess thats one of the many reasons”
“Wait. You got more than one?”
“Yeah. One major reason is misdirection”
“Misdirection?”
“Yes. Like when you absolutely cannot afford a break, a chance look at the fan will render your thoughts …what’s the word…incapacitated.”
“Idhallaam andha fan thayarikkum podhu avangale yosichirka maatanga”
(Even the ones who manufacture fans would not have thought about it)“That’s what you think”
“So, what is the next reason?”
“Misdirection”
“Adhaan sollitaye”
(You already told that)“See when you flip a coin, if you are getting heads this time, doesnt mean you won’t get a heads next time.”
“Enna serupalaa adikkanum.”
(I should hit myself with a slipper)“Enda ipdi pesara. Kashtama irukku”
(Why are you talking like this? It hurts)“Adha naan sollanum. Unkitta kelviyayum kettu adhukku badhila philosophyum kekkaran paaru, enna sollanum”
(I should be the one to say that. Asking questions to you and getting a philosophical answer for that, I should be whipped)“Adhu philosophy illa da. Mathematics”
“Dai”
“Seri da naan edhuvume pesala. Sorry”
(Ok. I am not gonna talk at all. Sorry)A minute’s silence ensued.
“Andha misdirection rendavadhu vaati edhukku sonnanu sollitu pesama iru.”
(Tell why you told it the second time and then keep quiet)“Vendaam da. If i say that you will be more distracted”
“Inimeluma? Sollu”
(As if I am not already. Tell)And that was when the bell rang
2007
“Time is up. Please put down your pens and submit your papers”
As the invigilator peered at all of us through her spectacles, the last sounds of metal scraping the paper could be heard as the voices outside the exam hall pierced through the silence that was there some 15 mins back. Circling around wounded prey, she collected the last vestiges of the blue blood that was poured into every single one of these pages, as they all sat back and wondered whether their life has taken the right turn or the left turn or do they still maintain their straight roads while handing over their dream filled papers. As I handed over mine, I sat back and surveyed the battlefield. Some were sporting a smile, some were deeply thoughtful, some sat with their eyes closed, some were discussing the answers already. I looked out of the window and saw the line of cars and bikes that lined up and the crowd that was eagerly waiting outside, anxiously, to see the smile on the face of their kids ; the crowd that was willing to put a smile on their young ones faces if need be.
Stretching my legs to shake some life back into them, I started to clean the lead on the scale as i watched the class empty itself slowly. She had not moved at all. As the breeze flowed through the open window, the question paper flew away towards the edge of the bench before i caught it. Safely pinning it along with the hall ticket onto my pad, i got up from my seat. Still no movement. I slowly walked across from my place near the back entrance of the classroom. The glasses were down by her pilot pen. She had her paper in her hand. She had it in front of her and was just looking at it. I closed the doors gently and bolted them.
“I…uh…usually close the doors and windows before i leave the room. So…”
She turned her head and looked straight at me. But there was something blank in those eyes. It was as if the sound had merely honed her senses to turn and look at where the origin of the sound was. Her head snapped right back at her question paper. As i walked back towards my bench, the papers were fluttering and the pencil was rolling between the pad and the camlin pen. The flowery breeze had turned into quite a strong wind. The crowd was thinning out and the clouds had started to gather. I looked back at her as my hand reached out to the hook to close out the windows. The sounds that had filled the halls were slowly winding down.
“The wind has started to pick up. Have a feeling it might rain. Have you got your umbrella today?”
“Please. Dont disturb me. Leave me alone.”
The sun had gone behind the clouds and a momentary dark pall descended on the school grounds as the cars started to drive off. Closing out the last of the windows, I walked out the door and took my bag and came inside. I packed the bag so as to make sure not to leave anything behind. She had now put the glasses back on, resting her chin in the palms as she looked dead ahead. Sitting infront of her on the table, I looked into those eyes that were now staring at me.
“What happened?”
“You know…I thought you were deaf but i did not take you for being dumb too”
I smiled.
Opening the front zip of the bag, I took out the umbrella, laid it on her desk and slid away from the bench. Switching off the fan, I walked out of the room as the second bell rang through the silent halls.
2011
It is unusual for a subway to be this silent. Granted it is not usually the hub of a thriving marketplace but for a summer afternoon it is way too quiet for my liking.
The guy selling his cellphone covers was nonchalantly humming a tune to himself as a packet of earbuds lay open in front of him with one occupying a prominent place in his right ear. The old lady who sat next to him is torn between looking disgusted at his activity and looking sad to get money out of me. As I passed by, she blessed me and my entire family while I shook my head with a pasted smile that changed only when lips moved to say I don’t have anything for her. The girl coming in behind me in her purple churidhar made this sound of disapproval in her throat as she put a coin in the palm of the old lady.
The guy still wasn’t interested to peddle his wares and had changed his posture to one that resembled me of this settu who was sitting on a divan. I chuckled to myself at the imagery as the half blind grandma checked to see what the coin was and was really disappointed at that coin not even being 5 rupees.
I crouched there, a good few feet away, pretending my shoe laces had come undone to see the quite visible discomfort in the grandma’s face as she was once again faced with throwing away something that disgusted her sense of self worth or with keeping it to feed her actual sense of worth so as to live one more day. It was at this point that she did something amazing. She smiled and put the coin in the box next to her, the box that belonged to the guy who was engrossed in searching for oil in his ear.
Another woman now put a coin in her box which she again promptly put it the box next to her. I put on my cap and plugged my headphones as i made my way in the reverse direction and put a 10 rupee note in her box and walked on. Taking out my phone to plug the headphones, I used the front camera to see what she was doing. She looked happy now. And she didn’t transfer it now.
So walking up to the steps, I found a boy, though I guess urchin is what is the parlance these days for kids like him, sleeping with his head snugly fitting in just below the hand rails. I gently shook him awake and gave him a chocolate and promised more of where that came from if he were to do something for me. He was a bit cross-eyed so I dunno whether he was donning a quizzical or frightened expression. I showed him a 100 re note to shake him out of his still dazed looks as he sat upright. I told him to put the note in the old lady’s box and come back. The boy was looking at me as if I was crazy and asked me to repeat which I did. He then stood up and walked across and dropped the note in the lady’s box.
She was now literally moved to tears as she kissed the kid on his forehead. The kid wanted the money. He also wanted to point to me as the benefactor. But neither happened and he just came back quietly. But my eyes were for the old one. She took the 100 rupee note, placed it on her eyelids and put it into the box right next to her. All in one motion.
I was shocked, angry and sad all at the same time but more than that I was puzzled. I don’t like questions that have no answers. So i got up, went to her and crouched in front of her. She put both her hands on the sides of my face. I could see her glasses did not sit quite right. No wonder her vision was faulty. I tried to set it straight but she slapped my wrist and shook her head.
I pursed my lips and withdrew my hands as I looked her and asked why she put away the coins and the 100 rupee note while she kept the fives and tens and twenties to herself. She crocked her head to one side as if she was looking at me in a new light. Or she was just thinking how to answer my question. Or she did not even hear my question in the first place. It was then that she opened a small bag she had fastenened to her hip and took out a small coin and placed it on my hand. I tried to see what it was but it was quite blackened out. She was not done though. She took a small piece of paper and thrust it in my hand and closed my palms around it. She then put a finger to her lip and gestured me to go. I stood up, looked at her one last time and made my way out of the subway and into the sunlight as the world suddenly burst into a procession of colour and sound.
2007
It was a small,albeit a regular, procession that happened every Friday. No one knew why it was every Friday but the crowd gathered as usual.
“I sometimes wonder…”
“Oh god”
“Yeah about him only.”
“Or her”
“Or her”
“So once again, you have successfully made me enter into a conversation I did not want to have”
I shrugged. He shook his head and continued.
“So what is it you wonder about God?”
“Lots of things, you know”
“Great. So not only are you gonna talk but it is gonna be a monologue”
“Hear me out da”
“What choice do I have?. Sollum. Solli tholayum.”
“See here is the thing. We all go to temples and worship God right. And the moolavar is made out of black stone while the urchavar is not. He is the one who gets to go out decked colourfully. And our paintings also that we hang in our homes are the colourful ones. If the moolavar is the powerful one, why are we not painting more black paintings on white canvasses? I mean isn’t it funny that you hang the lesser powerful man made one based paintings on our walls?”
“Unna yaaruda ippadi laam yosika sonnadhu?”
(Who asked you to think like this?)“And also…”
“Dei. Nee innum mudikkalaya”
(You have not yet finished?)“This procession. The poor guy is just stuck in a dimly lit oily room all week to get one breath of fresh air and here we are – suffocating every shred of his breathing with our pollution of obeisance”
“The what?”
“You heard me. Thinking of it in a way, he was the first movie star. People pay money to see him at his house and he gets mobbed when he comes out”
“…”
“What?”
“How do you have so much free time?”
2009
“World’s cheapest investment – A seminar on time management”
I looked at my watch. 10.05 am. The seminar started five minutes ago. Going late to a time management seminar – the joke writes itself. And I don’t even know who the guy delivering it is. What if he is a meek individual who won’t notice me and will still continue to drone on? In that case, i don’t think he is a worth the time. What if he is a snarky guy who will use me as an example in his seminar? I could be embarrassed big time. I could wait outside and listen to the whole thing but what if a staff comes and sees me. Uncomfortable questions, needless answers. I looked at my watch again. 10.08 am. Guess the best possible scenario is me going to class and mitigating what is coming my way.
10.30 am. It has been two years since I first made this 20 min journey and it still is as tiring as it was the first day. The doors are not locked? Interesting. Maybe someone else has missed the seminar and is already inside. Hmm. No one is here. And it is not locked. Did they forget? Not possible. People won’t leave their bags and go without this being under lock and key. I shouldn’t be here lest I get blamed for someone losing something. What is that? Someone had written today’s date in the top left corner. No one ever writes the date in our class ever. Infact, that is one of the pet peeves of my HoD. So someone has been here but they are not now. They will come soon to finish off whatever it is they were here for and it would be best for me if I am not here when they come to lock up the classroom.
*WHAM*
I opened my eyes. It was quite dark. The darkness was slowly moving from right to left. Very very slowly. Clouds. Rain clouds. How did I end up on a roof? What time is it? I can’t feel my right hand. It is so cold. Wait it is not my hand that is cold. Something is in my hand. Can’t even turn my head damn it. Must get up slowly. That’s it. Slowly. An umbrella? I turned my head around both ways slowly. The pain was still a dull throb. No one. Not a single a person there. My eyes got back to the umbrella. Something white was pinned. A note.
“Have a feeling it might rain. Thanks for the umbrella. I don’t have a use for it anymore”
A shiver ran down my spine.
